Honor Ride

Well yesterday morning while getting ready to go to church my mother called to let me know Erin had passed away, at this time we are not 100% sure why. At first it really didnt sink in, by nature you worry about the ones closes to you first for me it was my mother and Winn my stepfather who struggle with altimezers, then you think about your brother that just lost his baby girl, now that 24 hours has passed since the news I sit here thinking of all the parents I meet at the funerals I rode at.

How the numbness sets in, how you start to go on auto pilot, how you make the phone calls you need to make, and do the things that people that never lost some one this close and wonder how you do it without a tear.

I had gotten a job for sept to drive school bus and today was to be the first day of training, I got up after a sleepless night and went at least God put someone in the office that knew Erin and told me to go home to my family where I needed to be.

But it is strange you just seem to go through life, kind of like not being there numb to everything, people had said things to me today and I have answered but 30 seconds after I did I really didnt know what was said.

I worry about my mother trying to be strong for her husband Winn, I worry about Winn who doesnt fully understand what has happened who am afraid will look into the coffin and relaize that Erin is gone forever and totally withdraw from life, Winn and Erin had a very close relationship, He never judged Erin no matter what, and Erin always tried to see PopPop,

Many times I thought I understood what mothers and fathers deal with when they lose a son or daughter to the war when a young life is lose, but to be honest I HAVE no clue, I have no more of a clue after dealing with the lose of a young life so close to me.

I sit here and remember the times I did see Erin, the times I seen her picture and think she had such a bright future, and think she had such a grip on life, she was the good one, she was the one that listened, the one that didnt challenge everything.

I hold onto my strength in God at this moment, it is shakey at best but I try to hold tightly and keep it from wavering… I know Erin is in a better place, that she is no longer dealing with wanting to sleep the days of her life away.

I pray that Erins short life helps another young child see the wrong choices they make and wakes them up to reality. I was young once in life as well, was dealing with my own demons, I didnt use sleeping pills, ALCOHOL was my way out, I would drink until I passed out. I would find my own way to sleep. I know that feeling like the world is against you. I know that feeling that everyone was out to get me. I know the demons all to well. I pray that Erin now that she is gone from this world is able to help just one young life find a way to live a fuller life….

In Memory Of A Beautiful Young Lady
Erin you will be missed by many

To the families I have ridden for, to my faithful readers, know that a day doesnt go by that I dont stop and think of all of you. I pray for you all often may God touch each one of you everyday with a smile as you remember the ones you love that are no longer here

In Memory Of Their Service
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Well alot of time has passed since my last update… I got pictures from will the truck driver for wreaths across america… I am hoping to make it a movie soon…

I have prayed for the troops everyday but it is hard to get out much at all for them… yesterday I was able to take 16 boxes of chocolate to a local radio station who is collecting for the troops over seas I think it is great…

I do alot of other stuff now mostly for the homeless and stuff but it is hard for me to write about it any more… hard to explain but I prefer people not to know what am doing not for selfish reasons… but more for personal reasons… what I do isnt to make me look better or feel better or anything like that…. and alot of times I feel people loose focus on my cause and foucs more on me… kind of tough for me to put into words….

Win my stepfather is doing ok, he has his good times and his bad ones… doesnt remember much short term but get him going pre world war 2 and he can talk for hours…he spends alot of time praying not really sure what he prays for but am glad he doesnt forget who God is…

If you read this take time and pray for the soldiers over seas… and the ones in training like Diehards son Jason who is just finishing up survival school and his wife who will have a baby in a few weeks… or the guys in Walter Reed who are home but suffer daily…. or the scared young soldier that will be leaving today not knowing if he will come home or not…

As always

In Memory Of Their Service
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Merry Christmas….

To the brave men and women that erve in far off lands…. Know that at least one American wants to say thank you fowhat you do… I am so lucky to live in a country where the brave young men and women fight for my freedom to say Merry Christmas… thank you to each and every one…May the Lord Our God Bless each one of you today, May each of your families feel a little easier at a moment in time today as they remember Christmases past as the wish for only one thing to be there with them today and that is you Soldier to be there on CHristmas…

THere is a song not sure of the title but the one line says I will be Home on Christmas IF only in my dreams… I know being away from family on a holiday is harder then words can descibe.. in a country where Christmas is just a day and many dont even understand Merry CHristmas…

Today is tough for many families I know… Some have one or two sons and daughters serving in a War zone far away… some struggle with the lost of a child, a brother or sister, a husband or wife, a friend a father or maybe even a mother may feel as their loved one isnt forgotten… as am writting this and a tear drips down my cheek I remmber the sight I seen that day not long ago in Arlington Section 66 where the Soldiers Killed in Action serving in Iraq and Afganastan are laid to rest… I seen many mothers brothers sisters, fathers, of Amazing Men who shed blood for this Great Country… I meet many of them… every headstone with a perfectly round wreath with a red bow leaning against it…. even the fresh graves…. the feeling was somber and the air was crisp…. but yet some where still grieving a very recent loss some have come to peace… they all had one thing in common as I was Honored to meet many of them… some I had been there the day their son was buried, some where introduced to me by families I knew and ride in Honor of, some just came right up to me, all saying the same thing…. Thank you…. these people dont ask for anything, have given so much in their lives, feel a need to say thank you for being there… they feel a need to say Thank you… yet when they do my heart sinks…. I have done nothing in my life for them to warrant such words… I am just an American that needs to hug each one of them and tell them please never thank me I have done so little when compared to you… you gave freely the blood of a loved one… You desrve all the thanks from my heart… you must suffer not just today at the grave side but everyday including Christams… to anyone with a family member, a friend, a lover, a sister a brother or a parent that currently is serving, was injuried, or even killed while defending me ad my loved ones.. I want to say

THANK YOU, you are my Hero you gave a gift so freely to a total stranger

You may not have agreed with them, or faught about it at times, but in the end you still loved them and sacrificed with them everyday of their life… You shed tears of sorrow, had an empty chair at Christmas Dinner, but et to man Americans they forget or dont even know the sacrifices you made for them to enjoy the reason for this season…

To my Childen Jessica and James, I dont know where you are, I havent for many years…. I hope that some day you can read this and know that I am sorrow that I wasnt there for you… I hope you see through these pages that what I am able to do for some of these families is through the strength you have given me by being my children… I know that God watches over you many people pray that I see you with my eyes again soon… My prayer is that Gods Will be done when it comes to you…. that if I never see you again, that Gods Mercy and Grace help me through the days like today Christmas, when although I can not give you a present, you keep giving to me… You give me the strength to Hug a mother or father and say that He is my Hero… Jessica you will always be my monkey… James my buddy…. I shed tears of sorrow over you both…. it has been years now… you both have grown so much from when we fell asleep in daddys chair watching the lion king when I came home from work that if I bumped into you durring the hustle and bustle of Christmas I dont think I would even know either of you… I am sorry I missed your lives…. I pray that you are healthy, I pray you know the Loving God I know, and I pray for forgiveness that one day if we meet your hearts are not harden as mine was for so many years…. that as I begged for Gods mercy and grace not so long ago to show me why I cried so many tears felt so much pain, that Christmas became just another day of yet another painful year…. Thank you God for your mercy and grace that on a day so hard that you blessed me with a smile when I remember my Monkey jessica blowing out the candle for christmas card pics, as James laid quietly in his Santa outfit and the flash didnt wake him… Thank you for letting me smile… thank you for making me a changed man… thank you for letting me know that although today isnt always perfect that even when the pain feels so great that if I cry out to you that even if it is only a few minutes I can look back and smile at something so small…. Jessica and James my heart cries out that you may never feel the pain I feel when I think of you two on Christmas Day…

In Meomory Of Their Service
And In Memory Of My Two Angels Jessica And James (daddy misses you)
Merry Christmas all remember to say thank you to a soldier for this blessed day
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